Walk Out To Winter

New Year’s Eve morning was the end of my month long stay in Powell, Wy. It was also -10F. The car’s battery was not happy about being nudged awake after a month of little use. That feeling of relief that only someone driving an old car while living in the path of arctic winds can understand washed over me as I pulled out of the driveway and headed out of town. 

There is a small western style mountain town just over the Montana border called Red Lodge. It is mostly one street of bars, restaurants and shops with a little known ski resort; a recipe for greatness in my book. I highly recommend a visit. If you are into scenic drives, Rte 212, also known as the Beartooth Highway, winds through the mountains out of town and has some of the most amazing views along the way.

The highway was closed for winter so to get to Red Lodge, I had to take a “shortcut”. A less than cursory look at the google map showed a white line between here and there. A little more thorough look would have revealed that it was washboard gravel through 100 miles of desolate oil fields. Made all the more desolate by it being the oldest operating oil field in the country so it has been pumping on auto pilot for years.

By the time I figured out that it was not the best shortcut I have ever taken (definitely not the worst either), I was 50 miles in and out of cell phone service so I kept on. About 2 hours later, I hit pavement again and it was smooth sailing into Red Lodge. I was overdue for a walk to stretch my legs before the longer drive ahead. The temperature was hovering around -10 now. The walk lasted about 30 steps to the quick stop coffee counter. I hopped back in the car and enjoyed Red Lodge from the rear view mirror.

I don’t mind the cold but hate hate hate being cold. This was cold!!! In case you have never experienced real cold, it doesn’t suck, for about 3 seconds. Those three second when you still have the tropical micro climate cocoon you have built up blasting the heater. the steering wheel warmer and the butt burner. Those first couple of seconds out in the cold feel kind of refreshing compared to the artificial warmth. Then you take your first breath and your nostrils stick together and your eyes tear up. Its all down hill from there. Any stored heat fades from your clothing and then your boots until the cold finally makes it to your extremities. Your body parts race to see which one can goes numb first. But first, there is the pain as one last reminder of how stupid you are. I assume you are smart enough to have a hat and gloves because if not, you are in for some pain as your ears and fingers thaw out when you are lucky enough to get to somewhere warm. Then there’s the face freeze that sneaks up on you. As you’re trying to figure out where your fingers and toes went, any exposed skin (usually your face) is painfully freezing layer by layer until you can’t feel it anymore.  In short, its no fun and move to Florida.

The temperatures kept dropping as I drove North across miles and miles of frozen eastern Montana wheat fields. The car heater barely making a dent in my comfort level, or lack thereof. The cold was coming up through the floor boards so I feet were cold the whole way. I finally made it to Great Falls, Montana. With a cheap hotel key in hand, I ventured back out into the cold for some dinner. Repeating the cool down process from the Quick Stop parking lot I ended up at the only place open on New Years Eve within walking distance. I had bundled up some more so that I was able to check the entire 5 blocks of main street. The only life was the work crew setting up for the New Year Ball drop that no one in their right mind would see and a small diner. I had a quick unhealthy dinner to celebrate the new year and ran back to the room. Crawling into bed before 9.

The Missouri River runs wide through Great Falls and its continues another couple hundred miles south to it source. It got me to wondering how long it is. Given where it starts and ends in St Louis with a quick near visit to the Canadian border, I was very surprised that it is longer than the Mississippi River by a few hundred kilometers.  On their expedition across the unmapped Western United States back in 1802, Lewis and Clark rode the Missouri from St Louis. It was smooth sailing until the got to Great Falls. Think about it it, you just waited out a long winter in North Dakota carving out new canoes and repacking supplies for 44 men plus incidentals. Tons of stuff that they couldn’t really replace. I imagine a weekend car camping trip with kids and no map but extended to 3 years without a Walmart.

The team spent the spring happily rowing up the Missouri up until they heard a dull roar. They turned a bend and saw the source, a wall of water stretching bank to bank. It turns out that upon scouting further up the river their were 4 more similar cascades they would have to get up and over. By the time Clark came up on the 3rd or 4th set of falls, Great was not coming to mind. Probably a good thing the first impression didn’t stick because if so, I would have spent the last month in F*(k Me Falls, Montana. The wisely gave up on the river and decided to cut tree trunks into wheels and pull the boats and supplies up the steep banks by hand, across the 18 miles of untraveled grounds of what is now downtown Great Falls under the dry summer heat. Not once but 8 times in 12 days. Below are some artist renderings of what they effort probably looked like:

That’s enough history for one post, back to the hear and now. The uneventful New Year’s Eve has extended well into the New Year. All of January in fact. There isn’t much going on here in Great Falls in the Winter. It has warmed up to more reasonable daytime highs in the 20’s. It is just not a town built for winter activities.

I have been hauling my snowshoes around in the hopes that I would get an opportunity to get out tromp around sometime. This is a low snow year so I had to settle for slipping around a frozen lake to watch an ice fishing tournament out at the edge of Glacier National Park. As it turns out Ice Fishing isn’t much of a spectator sport. Just a bunch of bundled up people with a stick staring at a hole in the ice. Some smarter or at least richer folks brought along a nice tent to sit in while they stare at the stick an a hole in the ice. The weather had been in the 40’s and 50’s for a few days leading up to the tournament so it was with a great deal of trepidation that I stepped out on the ice to get a closer look. I got over the fear of a cold soaking when I looked into one of the fishing holes and saw that the ice was a foot thick. Fishing season is going to be here for a while. As it had been so warm the past few days, I didn’t put on my super winter clothes. It wasn’t long before the wind cut through the clothes that I did have on and ice fishing lost its allure. I was back at the apartment in time for lunch and a nice warm nap.

I dropped into a nearby bowling alley to roll a couple games one afternoon. It was empty except for the group of old ladies in the next lane over. I was hoping to catch their eye in an effort to get a sampling of the table full of bake goods they had spread out next to them. My bowling was pretty poor as usual and didn’t even warrant a pity cookie. So that put an end to my bowling career for another couple decades.

There is a famous bar here. Its website that GQ Magazine (April 2003) selected the Sip ‘n Dip Lounge as the #1 bar on earth worth flying for! I didn’t even know this was a thing let alone enough of these to make list of. Given that it is attached to a motor lodge (the low rung on the American hospitality scale), the questionable grammar of the award and the award being 19 years old, I was dubious. It’s just a two block walk away so I can save my FF miles for the #2 bar worth flying in.

The Sip ‘n Dip met all my expectations for a bar attached to a motor lodge. Dark and beat up around the edges. Bunch of guys just sitting around, most likely wondering how they ended up here. No luggage to be seen so pretty sure they didn’t fly in. The only difference from any other dive bar I have been too was that a cheap beer wasn’t and there was a huge aquarium behind the bar. The aquarium doubles as the the motel swimming pool during the day. At night, there are mermaids swimming around and blowing bubble kisses at the patrons. I didn’t want to sit at the bar empty handed so I bought the cheapest beer they had since I wasn’t going to drink it. I ended up paying $6 for a PBR, outrageous? It was an interesting way to spend 20 minutes but if that’s what passes for the top bar to fly for, I think I’ll save my FF miles and find another list to work through.

I took a stroll through the history museum and the art museum. They were small and I pushing it to stay 20 minutes by reading each and every write up on each and every exhibit. The history museum was far more interesting. The art museum had two rooms and a long hallway of macrame stretched end to end. According to the website it was a representation of its power in the making or breaking of identity, social roles, and societal constructs or some such. I don’t know art I guess cause all I saw was somebody sewed their grandmother’s doilies together and hung them on the wall. I’ll stick with a Campbell’s Soup Can any day. There was a room full of stick figures that some old guy put together and painted and stuck them all around his yard. The Museum grabbed them when he was too old and had to give up the property. They were worth the cold walk to see especially on free admission day.

That is pretty much all I have for Great Falls. Contrary to how it sounds, it really is a nice place. I am ready to move on though. I have another place booked closer to the mountains and will report in soon. Keep those cards and letters coming.